


Back to you

by nicole14111



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Lots of flashbacks to pre-hiatus though, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Hiatus, Slow Burn, THEY GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE END THOUGH I SWEAR
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29277297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicole14111/pseuds/nicole14111
Summary: The year 2017. Two years after Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson broke it off.With Louis' new single Miss You blowing up all over the radio, Harry realizes that he can't just ignore Louis forever, as much as he would like to. He just hopes they can get the closure they deserve and move on once and for all.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 14
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking though some of my wattpad drafts and found this, it seemed good enough to publish so I figured I'd give it a shot :)  
> Set in 2017, slow burn, I'll try to keep it as canon as possible but i might have to change the timeline a bit so sorry about that haha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a VERY flashback heavy fic, so sorry if it gets confusing. just pay attention to the year listed before a paragraph starts :)

**2017\. Harry.**

_"Up next we have the newest single from One Direction's Louis Tomlinson, Here's 'Miss You'"_

_'Is it my imaginat-"_

Harry let out a sigh and changed the channel. He was proud of Louis, he was, but he didn't have the heart to listen to Louis' new song after the way things ended. He knew if he did, he'd go running back to Louis without a second thought. 

The other reason Harry didn't want to listen to Louis' new single is because Louis never listened to his album. At least, he didn't think he did. He never tried to contact Harry after it was released when it was obvious most of the songs were about him. The most he'd heard from Louis was a congratulations about Dunkirk over the radio.

Harry decided to finish his drive in silence as he made his way back to his home in LA. He was on his way back from filling in for James Corden while he was in the hospital with his wife and new child. James was sure to send Harry a picture, and naturally, seeing the child made Harry wish he could have children of his own. Damn his mother for making him without a womb. 

After parking his car in his garage, Harry went inside his house ready to pass out. He was used to late nights, but without the adrenaline rush that came from partying, he was out of it for sure. He took some time to change and get himself ready for bed, then turned on the news to see what he missed from that day. 

_"Are Louis Tomlinson and Ex-Girlfriend Eleanor Calder getting back together? After the release of Tomlinson's new singles, fans have been speculating that-"_

Harry flipped off the TV. Of course fans were speculating that Eleanor and Louis were "getting back together". The two never even dated to begin with, it was just a cover up for his and Harry's relationship. He could easily blame Eleanor for part of the breakup, though. He and Louis both know she helped them there. 

**2014\. Harry.**

"Louis, you still love me, right?" 

"Of course I do, Harry. Why would you think otherwise?"

"I just... I get so insecure whenever I see articles of you and Eleanor, you know? I hate that you can be seen with her and not me."

It was the night after yet another show they put on, and Louis and Eleanor were yet again spotted out on a date, even though they weren't even in the same part of the world at the current moment. 

Ever since El came into the picture, Harry was scared that Louis would suddenly develop genuine feelings for her. After all, she was pretty, she was supposedly funny (Harry didn't think so. Louis said she had her moments though), and she was allowed to actually be seen with Louis. Harry hadn't been able to do that for years. 

"Haz, you know there's nothing to be insecure about," Louis said, snapping Harry back into reality. Louis was staring him dead in the eyes, as serious as he could possible get. "I love _you,_ I love your long curly hair, I love your childish humor, the way you put your family and our fans above everything else, I. Love. You." Louis said, giving him small pecks on his face between the last three words. 

Harry gave him a small smile and grabbed his hand. "I love you too," he softly said. Louis reached over to turn off the lamp by their bedside and pulled Harry down to lie with him. 

"I think they're going to let me 'break up' with El soon," he said once they were settled. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, Simon thinks the rumors have died down enough to the point where we wont need to pretend date anymore."

"Good, I hate seeing you with anyone else," Harry said, any feelings of insecurity gone out the window. 

"I hate being with anyone else," Louis muttered, sleep starting to get the best of him. Harry closed his eyes, muttering one last "I love you, Lou," before letting sleep overtake him. 

**2017\. Harry.**

"Mate, you have to listen to Tommo's new single," Niall said the next day over the phone. Every now and then, Niall or Liam liked to call and check in on him. Usually Harry liked their random calls, but he hates when they try to fix things for him. 

"For the last time Niall, we're through. Nothing you say or do can change that," Harry said with an exasperated sigh. 

"Have you at least heard Back To You?"

"No Niall, I haven't listened to any of his singles other than Just Hold On."

"Not even Just Like-"

"No, Niall."

Harry could hear Niall sigh over the phone. 

"You know what Just Like You is about right?" 

Harry had heard rumors about it, how it's Louis' way of saying he's no different than the rest of the world. He didn't understand why it was a big deal for him to listen to it though. 

"I've heard a few things about it, yes." Harry said shortly, wanting the conversation to be over with. 

"Then you would know it's a cry for help."

What? 

"What do you mean?" Harry was genuinely confused now. Why would Louis be calling out for help?

"Listen to the song, Harry. You'll see what I mean," and with that, Niall was gone. 

Harry looked at his phone, not sure what just happened. On one hand, he wanted to listen to Just Like You, but on the other hand, it shouldn't even matter to him. Louis was in the past, he cared more about his career in the end, and that was that.

If Louis really loved him, he wouldn't have given into the pressure.

"Goddammit," Harry said out loud to nobody in particular. It's been two years, he should be over Louis by now. 

Maybe if he listens to the song, it'll give him the closure he needs. It _is_ his day off, after all. He only has a show tonight, nothing else. 

"Fuck it," he muttered, before searching the song on youtube. The first thing Harry noticed was the fact that it had a lot less views than what he assumed Louis' other songs probably had. The other thing he noticed was it was the only song of his without a music video. 

Clicking on the video, Harry took a deep breath. This was not how he planned his day to go when he woke up.

After the first verse, he could already see what Niall meant by a cry for help. _25 and it's all planned, Headlines that I can't stand._ He knew exactly how that felt. 

_Nobody cares when your boring._ Simon had told all of the boys that when their band started getting bigger. He would tell Harry to keep going out with as many girls as he could so he could stay relevant(aka, if he didn't then there would be serious consequences).

As he went through more of the songs, it became increasingly more obvious that Louis had insecurities, and they were getting the best of him. It almost felt like he wanted to give it all up so he could have control over his life again. There was one part of the song that stood out to Harry the most. 

_Every heartbreak's the same, every tear leaves a stain, let me be the same._

After finishing the song, Harry wanted nothing more than to reach out to Louis. He couldn't. 

Not after everything. 


	2. chapter 2.

**2015\. Harry.**

"I saw the news! Did you really do it?" Harry asked Louis excitedly. Earlier that day, a news article was released about Eleanor and Louis' tragic break up. The story that went with it was "His music life is just making things too hard for us, being gone 9 months a year." Harry was ecstatic. 

"It is, babe, we can be free," Louis said, before pulling Harry in for a kiss. 

Neither of them knew that it couldn't be that easy though. 

**2017\. Harry.**

_I listened to it._

After Harry texted Niall, he turned his phone off and went to his practice room. Usually, when Harry got upset, he liked to play guitar and maybe work on a few songs, which was exactly what he was doing now. 

As he started strumming his guitar, his mind started to be filled with _Louis._ The way they ended, how Louis may not be as okay as he thinks, how maybe, if he just reached out, they could be okay. 

Harry decided to try something. He put his capo on the 7th fret and just started strumming. Once he found a pattern and chords he was satisfied with (chords G, Bm, and D), he started singing whatever came to his mind.

"You've got my devotion, but man I can hate you sometimes," he slowly sang as he strummed. He liked that line, but it wasn't a good line to start a sing with. He wrote it down anyway.

He hummed a bit more and experimented with some more lyrics, before he came up with another one he liked.

"Test of my patience, there's things we'll never know."

There was so much he never knew. Why Louis ever slept with Briana when things were going so well, why he let the pressure and the management get the best of him after five years of saying, "Nothing can come between us". He just didn't get it. He wasn't even with El. They didn't make him do it for a stunt. It just didn't make sense.

**2015\. Harry.**

Numb. That was all Harry felt. They were perfectly fine for two months, no Eleanor, no fake girlfriends, just Harry and Louis. 

"Why did you sleep with her?" Harry asked, voice cracking. Louis had been ignoring him for a day and a half, when when Harry demanded answers, well, Louis gave them.

"I told you, Simon wanted me to get some PR, so he sent me to a bar. I got pissed off my mind. I guess they sent Briana there to take me home, and things ended up getting heated. I'm so sorry, Haz, I didn't-"

"Mean it, but... we were doing good," Harry barely whispered, tears finally falling down his face. He broke his gaze to the floor to look at Louis who was seemingly also fighting back tears. "You never even slept with Eleanor."

"I know, Harry, I know, I was just being stupid and I didn't mean for any of this to happen and-"

Harry couldn't take it anymore. He got up and stormed out of his hotel room, and went all the way back to the bus.

Pulling out his notebook, he started scribbling down every words that came to mind. 

_Same lips red, Same eyes blue._

_Same white shirt, couple more tattoos._

_It's not you, it's not me._

_We're not who we used to be._

_We're two ghosts standing in the place of you and me._

After writing that last line, Harry leaned his head into his notebook and started sobbing. Why would Louis cheat on him? As much as he should've seen it coming, he thought he and Louis were different. He always told himself Louis wouldn't cheat. They even had promise rings to show everyone they were taken. 

"I thought you'd be in here," a voice from behind softly said, startling Harry. He turned around and saw Liam looking at him, a sad smile on his face. 

"You knew?" Harry asked with a broken voice. Liam pulled up a chair next to him and looked at the lyrics Harry had been writing. 

"We found out when you did, Haz. None of us know why he did it, I'm just as shocked as you are," he said softly. Harry could feel tears start to gather in his eyes, but he blinked them away. He didn't want to seem weak, not if Louis didn't care as much as he did.

"I just don't know why he would do it," he said softly. "He didn't even sleep with Eleanor, and he was supposed to be with her for three years. Why did he sleep with someone he'd barely known? Why did he get her pregnant? Louis was twenty three years old, he was supposed to be smarter than this, right?

"I'm wondering the same thing, Harry," Liam said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Harry looked over to him and softly asked, "Is it okay if I'm alone for a little bit?" He asked. 

"Of course," Liam said, patting him on the shoulder as he stood up to leave. Harry watched him out the door, before turning the page in his book to another song he's been working on. 

**2017\. Harry.**

Harry hated how he managed to link Louis back to everything. He had considered reaching out to El many times to see the full extent of her and Louis' "relationship", just because he always told himself they've never done anything and he didn't know if he could truly believe Louis anymore. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Louis wouldn't lie about that, but his trust was still shattered. 

He decided he had done enough songwriting for the day, having written something close to a verse of a song that he didn't know if he'd ever finish. He liked the sound of it, but he didn't have anything else. It probably wouldn't be as big anyway, it was completely different to all his other songs. 

Putting his guitar away, Harry decided to see if Niall had texted him back. He almost hoped the Irish lad didn't just to avoid any further talk about Louis. He and Liam have been trying for years to get the boys to at least _talk,_ but Harry was stubborn, and he knew Louis was the same way. 

Harry turned his phone on and saw he had a missed call from Niall, as well as a text that read, _"What did you think?"_ and another, _"Wait, Miss you or Just Like You?"_

Harry answered back with _"Just Like You"_ , and Niall had called him as soon as he did. 

"What did you think of it?" Niall asked before Harry could ask him anything. 

"Hi, Niall. How are you? My day's going fine, just dandy," Harry said with a smirk. Niall let out a breathy laugh on the other end. 

"Very funny, Styles. I want to know what you thought about the sing. Tommo's been wanting you to listen to it since he first dropped it, he was hurt when he found out you didn't even give it a second glance," Niall said, and Harry rolled his eyes. Louis really expected him to listen to his songs? While Louis was one of the most talented guys he knew, he also shattered Harry's heart. He only listened to it because Niall made him. 

"As if he's listened to my album," Harry said with a scoff, and Niall sighed.

"We're trying, you know? He said he will, he just isn't ready yet, especially knowing some of the songs are about him," Niall tried to explain, but Harry didn't want to hear it. 

"I don't care, Niall. It doesn't matter if he listens to my songs anyway, it's not like he took our relationship seriously at all. T's why he has a fucking kid," Harry said with a sharp tone, and hung up before Niall could say anything. 

He loved Niall, he _did,_ but sometimes he and Liam could be too much. Harry wanted to move on, since it's been two years since the breakup, but they made it very hard for him to. Besides, he was _convinced_ Louis had moved on. He didn't have any proof to back him up, but the chances were high. 

"Goddammit," Harry shouted into the emptiness of his house. He was twenty three years old, yet he felt like a teenager who got his heart broken. He's written songs, tried to hook up with people at the bar (he never actually went through with it, every time he got close to taking them home he thought of Louis), and he even tried to date again (well, 'date' as his management wanted to get him PR and she had to be female), but Camille wasn't cutting it for him. 

Harry checked the clock. He had to be at the studio in an hour, but Jeff usually let him go in early if he wanted to practice a bit extra, or just to clear his head. 

At that current moment, clearing his head seemed borderline impossible with the seed of _Louis Tomlinson_ re-planted in his mind. 

Harry grabbed his keys and got back into the car, thoughts of _fuck Niall Horan for making him listen to Louis' song_ running through his mind as he started his car. 

_"And now at number nine on the charts, up ten from yesterday, here's_ Miss You _by Louis Tomlinson."_

_"Is it my imagination..."_

Harry didn't turn it off this time. Maybe Niall was right. Maybe, in order to get over Louis, he had to listen to what he's saying through his songs first. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isn't my best chapter (i say after writing two lmao) but the next one so far is really good I think, it's got more flashbacks and starts to show a little bit of their breakup.
> 
> Thank you for the support on the first chapter, it means alot! please let me know what you think about this one, and dont forget to leave kudos :)


	3. chapter 3.

**Harry. 2015.**

"Harry, _please,_ can we talk about this? I barely even remember that night, I was drunk and you were the only thing on my mind," Louis pleaded for what felt like the hundredth time that hour. Harry shook his head, violently fighting back tears.

"I told you Louis, I don't trust you, and I can't be in a relationship that doesn't have trust," he said, trying to control his voice. It cracked anyway. 

"Harry _please,_ we can work through this. I'll do anything to make things right, _anything,_ " Louis continued, and Harry snapped. 

"Louis, _enough._ Unless you know how to time travel, the most you can do is give me space. Who knows how many other people you've been with-"

"None, Harry, I swear!"

"And the fact that you're so against fighting Management on letting us be free? I've been trying for _years_ for them to let me come out, and they've started letting me at least drop hints. Maybe if you fucking stood up for yourself, for _us,_ then we wouldn't be in this mess," Harry said, taking a deep breath. 

A dark look overtook Louis' face, and Harry almost felt intimidated. "You're saying this is my fault? Us not being allowed to come out?" He asked in a dry tone, completely different to what it was a minute ago. 

"You know _exactly_ what I mean, Louis-"

"No, You said that if I stood up for our relationship, then we could be free. Do you really think that I've done nothing all these years?" Louis asked, practically shouting. Harry stayed quiet, not sure what to say after all of this. 

"I've gotten so much shit from Simon, from Modest, you know every time I used to get close to you on stage after we started dating, I would get threatened to be kicked out of the band?"

Harry sucked in a heavy breath. He _didn't_ know that actually. Louis didn't let him say anything, though, as he just kept ranting. 

"Yeah, Simon flew me out to Cali the night after we performed at that bar and told me I had to be more professional around you, otherwise he could easily replace me. You know what I said? I said one day, this will all come back to bite him in the ass, that he couldn't tear us apart if he tried-"

" _You're_ the one tearing us apart Louis! Simon had nothing to do with this! He sent you to the bar, and sent Briana to _hang out_ with you, but _you_ slept with her. _You_ knocked her up. _You_ cheated on me without the help of management." Harry took a deep breath. "I was always fine with Eleanor, because I knew the two of you weren't actually together. She helped us be together in secret, she kept you out of trouble with me. But Briana had no idea, did she?"

The tension in the room suddenly fell thick, and neither Louis or Harry were saying anything. Harry said everything that he could, and if Louis didn't say something soon, then Harry would end up breaking right there. 

"Maybe your right. Maybe we should take a break," Louis said quietly, and Harry could feel his heart breaking with those words. "Just a break, so we can get our heads clear, and maybe we can work through this."

Harry nodded, not daring open his mouth. He knew if he did, then he would break, and he couldn't break in front of Louis. 

"Alright then. Bye Harry," Louis mumbled quietly, before rushing out the door. As soon as the door shut behind him, Harry dropped to his knees, letting all the tears he'd been holding back fall free. 

**Harry. 2017.**

_S**t, maybe I miss you._

_"That was_ Miss You _by Louis Tomlinson, it's such a fun song, Isn't it Will?"_

_"It sure is, Tom, I blast it in my car every chance I get."_

_"As you should, Will. Up next at number eight we have_ That's What I Like _by Bruno Mars."_

The song was catchy, Harry wouldn't lie. It wasn't one that he would listen to regularly if it were by anyone else, but he could definitely hear that Louis wasn't fully over him in it. 

As a lyricist, Harry had a bad habit of reading between the lines of every song and over-analyzing it after. What he gathered from Miss you was Louis was throwing himself into the party scene, he was forcing himself to get over Harry but he couldn't, and Harry didn't know what to think about it. 

He'd heard Just Hold On, but he knew that was about Louis' own struggles. It was hard for him to see his mum suffering the way she was, and after losing Harry, it was obvious that Louis didn't feel like there was much to hold onto anymore. Harry had felt bad for him, but was too caught up in his selfish hurt to come running back when he was still afraid of getting hurt himself. He was there for him when Jay was struggling, and he was there when she passed, but he couldn't go back to Louis romantically. He just couldn't. 

He pulled into the studio to see Mitch was already there. Sometimes when Mitch and Harry were both there early, they could joke around and keep things fun without having to worry about Jeff. The problem was, Mitch was a bit more serious than he was used to. He was still fun nonetheless. 

Mitch also didn't know about he and Louis, which was the best part. None of the people in his band did. Jeff probably knew, but that was because in order for Harry to sign away, he had to get every last drop of information off of Modest, including any trouble he may have caused, or any secret relationships the world never knew about. It was a miracle Jeff took him, honestly. 

"Harold, what's up?" Mitch asked when Harry walked in. He was tuning his guitar, so when Harry jokingly corrected his name, he paid the singer no attention whatsoever. 

"You ready for your BBC concert tomorrow?" He asked, instead of correcting himself. To be completely honest, Harry completely forgot about that concert. 

"Yep, excited to leave in the unholy hours of the night," he quipped. Mitch shot him a quick smile before refocusing on his guitar. 

_Good Talk_ , Harry thought. It was hard to talk to any of his band members when they started with their music. Niall was the same way, it always fun when they would try to distract him from his playing. 

**Harry. 2013.**

"Niall, we want to go out, you know the rules about us going out, you have to come with us," Harry begged, only eliciting a "hmm" from Niall as he played a few new chords with intense focus. 

Niall had been working on a new song with an Irish twist, and he wanted it to be perfect so that they could use it. He's been wanting to do an Irish song for years, and Modest turned him down every time until recently. 

" _Niall,_ please, you've been playing that thing all day," Harry complained, still not getting an answer from the Irish lad. 

Harry huffed, and went to get Louis, only to come out a minute later with Louis and a can of silly string. Harry and Louis both knew that what they were planning was a huge risk, and Niall would literally kill them if they got silly string on his guitar, but they needed to get him away somehow. 

"3,2..."

"Fine, I'll go, please don't do whatever it is you're going to do," Niall said, quickly standing up. Harry and Louis laughed, giving eachother a quick high five. 

"Lets go then, mate. We're wasting precious time," Louis said, grabbing Harry's hand as they skipped - literally skipped - out the room. Harry didn't know any other twenty-one year old that would frolic with his boyfriend, but he wasn't complaining at all. He loved it. 

"You guys are children," Niall called out after them with a tone that indicated he was trying to be serious but failing, and Harry ignored him because he didn't care how childish he was when he was around Louis. He couldn't help that his boyfriend brought out his inner child, it made life so much more fun.

"Yeah, but we're _you're_ children," Louis called back while squeezing Harry's hand. 

"That doesn't even make fookin' sense! Louis, you're older than me!"

**Louis. 2017.**

"Hey mate, I heard _Miss You_ is in the top 10! That's proper exciting, congrats Tommo!"

"Oi, thanks Nialler! It's definitely my favorite single so far," Louis said over the phone. Niall had called him out of the blue, which wasn't the first time that had happened that day. Louis was glad that he could still say Niall was one of his best mates, honestly. 

"Harry told me he listened to _Just Hold On_ ," Niall said, as if Louis hadn't said anything before. 

"What?" Louis asked. Why would Harry suddenly listen to _Just Hold O_ n? How did he even know about it?

"Yeah, today, he didn't say anything else though," Niall said, and Louis sighed. 

"You should listen to his album," Niall continued after Louis kept quiet. He sighed, not knowing what to say. 

"I don't think I can, after hearing _Two Ghosts_ , I don't think I can listen to the rest. I don't think I'm ready," he said sadly. 

In all honesty, Louis _wanted_ to listen to the album, he _wanted_ to support his ex. The problem was, it wouldn't change a thing. They were both too stubborn to fix themselves, ever since the breakup, and even when things started falling apart. 

It just wasn't worth it. 

"Listen Niall, I have to go, I'm leaving for Amsterdam tomorrow, and I still have to pack," Louis half-lied, not wanting to carry on the conversation anymore. He'd already packed, but he was probably forgetting a few things anyway. 

"Alright, ring me up if you need, Tommo," Niall said, then the line went dead. 

Louis sighed, and fell back on his bed. He was excited for Amsterdam, but they were making Eleanor go with him to make it seem like they're getting back together. Truthfully, he didn't want to go at all. Simon wanted him to get good PR, since he'd been MIA in the media since Freddie had been born. 

Fucking PR, Fucking Simon. Louis just wanted to be free from it all, free from the damage Simon did on his life. 

Free from the damage he did to Louis and Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little insight to Louis there at the end! what do you all think? 
> 
> Please kudos and comment, and if you could maybe check out my other work, Who Are You, that would be greatly appreciated :)


	4. chapter 4.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might be my favorite chapter so far :) in fairness, I only have about 7 chapters written, but that's besides the point.

**Harry. 2015.**

"Boys, I understand you've been busy with shows, but we _need_ more songs for this album. Now please, for the love of god, tell me that at least one of you has a song ready?" The studio producer asked, rubbing his temple. Between all the shows, PR, etc, none of the boys have had any time to write. Harry actually did have a song ready, but he decided he didn't want to share it with the band. It felt more natural when it was just him singing it. 

Harry caught Liam looking over at him, having caught Harry writing it, but Harry shook his head. Liam seemed to understand and look away. 

"None of you have a- oh my _fucking_ god, boys, this album needs to be ready for production in a month, and you're telling me we _still_ don't have any more songs?"

Harry looked around again, trying to avoid Louis' gaze. He caught it anyway, but quickly looked away. 

"I have a song," Louis suddenly said, and Harry snapped his head up. 

"Perfect! Perfect, can we hear it?" The producer asked, and Louis looked at Harry, looking as if he was having an internal battle with himself. 

"Yeah, sure," Harry barely heard him mumble, before Louis walked over to the trailer's keyboard. 

"It's called, _Love You Goodbye_ ," Louis said, before starting a couple notes on the keyboard. 

"It's inevitable, everything that's good comes to an end, it's impossible to know if after this, we can still be friends, yeah," Louis sang, and Harry's heart stopped. This song was about him, and not in a good way like Home, or Perfect. 

The more Louis sang, the more hurt Harry felt in himself. He knew that he shouldn't feel sympathy for Louis, but Louis was laying out his true emotions in front of everyone. 

"One more taste of your lips, just to bring me back, to the places we've been, and the nights we've had, because if this is it, then at least we can end it right," Louis continued to sing, his voice breaking at the word _right_. 

It took everything in Harry not to start crying again. He made Louis write a song like that. He broke Louis enough for him to be that open and vulnerable. 

"I love it, Louis, it's so raw, it's perfect. Where did you get that inspiration from?" The producer asked, and Louis looked down. 

"Um... Eleanor," He said, looking at Harry with teary eyes. 

"Perfect! Anyone else have a song?"

_Fuck it._

"I do, I- I wrote it a couple weeks ago, but I didn't finish it until this week so I couldn't share it," Harry said before the producer could get mad. 

"Go on ahead, please, it's better now rather than later," The producer said through an exasperated sigh. Harry took a seat by the keyboard and looked down at the keys. This was it. 

"This is called, _If I Could Fly_."

**Harry. 2017.**

_"Now I'm asking my friend's how to say I'm sorry, they say lad, give it time, there's no need to worry. But we can't even be on the phone now, and I can't even be with you alone now,"_

He couldn't help it. He missed Louis' voice, and the song was actually really good. He wasn't surprised, Louis was an amazing songwriter, but it felt different from a listeners perspective. Especially considering how much time he's had from the flight from LA to London that morning. 

_"We were in love, now we're strangers."_

That line hurt him more than it should have. He hated that they were strangers, it felt like he wasted 5 years of his life, got covered in tattoos, just for it to be put to waste. 

"Mr. Styles, you're on in 5," One of the managers at the BBC informed him. Harry nodded his head and took out his earphones, cutting out Louis' voice. 

"Do you remember your setlist, Mr. Styles?" One of his assistant managers asked, and Harry nodded. 

"Start with Sweet creature, then Only Angel, Two Ghosts, Woman, talk, start the cover of _The Chain_ , back to the album with From the Dining Table, Ever Since New York, Kiwi, Meet Me in the Hallway, cover Girl Crush, Carolina, then end it with Sign of the Times," Harry rambled, counting each song on his finger. 

"I still don't understand why you were so insistent on having Girl Crush in your setlist," the assistant manager mumbled, looking at her clipboard. Harry shrugged and smiled. 

"I just like it, I guess."

Harry's fans were smart, he knew that. To anyone else, it would be a nice cover, but his fans would be able to put together the implication that he was in fact, into men (as if Medicine didn't say enough, but some _still_ insisted he was straight). 

"Styles, you're on in one," someone else called out. Harry took a deep breath, and jumped around to get his nerves out. It was far from his first time performing, but he still got nervous before every show. It was even harder now that it was just him, but he still pulled it off each time.

The minute was up, it was time for Harry to go. He grabbed his guitar and made his way onto the stage, waving to the audience as he walked. 

As he started the intro to _Sweet Creature_ , he couldn't help but wonder if somewhere, Louis was out there watching on his phone. If he was, would he know that this song, along with many of his other songs, were about him?

He probably wasn't watching. Still, it was a nice thought. 

" _You bring me home_ " he finished, and the crowd cheered for him, which made Harry smile. That never got old. 

**Harry. 2015.**

Harry played out the final notes for _If I Could Fly_ and looked around to see everyone crying. Even the producer was crying. Even _Louis_ was crying. He didn't know that song would have such a big affect on them. 

"That was beautiful, Harry," the producer said, and his band mates mumbled small "Yeah"s in agreement. Harry looked at Louis, who seemed to be hard-focused onto a specific spot on the carpet. He hadn't said anything yet, and Harry doubted he would say anything at all. 

"I have to go," he found himself saying, before jumping out of the keyboard chair and speed walking back to the bus. He sat down at one of the booths the bus had for dining, and placed his head in his arms as tears started to fall yet again. God, he felt pathetic, he couldn't go one hour in Louis' presence without breaking down. 

He felt a weight slide next to him, but didn't look up. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, especially not Louis. 

"Hey, are you alright?"

Fuck. 

Harry didn't say anything, but he slightly flinched when Louis put a hand on his shoulder. 

"That song was beautiful, Harry," Louis said after what felt like an eternity. 

Harry looked up at him. "So was yours," he said quietly. They looked at each other for a couple more minutes, before Harry broke the eye contact. 

"I know I said we need a break, but I think we should just break up for good. I just... after what you said about not trusting me, I realized that you deserve much better than someone you haven't been able to be seen in public with for years," Louis said, and Harry snapped his head back.

"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?" Harry asked, not even bothering to fight the continuous onslaught of tears. Louis looked down. 

"Haz, you said it yourself, you don't trust me, and you don't want to be in a relationship where there's no trust, and I understand that there's nothing I can do to fix it," he said, and Harry shook his head. 

"Louis, please-"

"Goodbye, Harry," Louis said with a wet smile. He looked as if he wanted to give him a goodbye hug, but instead just got up and left while Harry watched. 

He didn't say anything after that. He couldn't even move. 

This was what he wanted, right? He was the one who originally said they should take some time apart, but he didn't want them to officially break up, right?

" _Fuck_ ," Harry yelled as soon as he knew he was alone. Maybe he did need the hiatus after all, he didn't know how much longer he could stand to be around Louis without breaking. 

**Harry. 2017.**

The final chords of _Sign of the Times_ faded out, and Harry took a breath. As hard as it was, that song was one of his favorites to perform. He loved to pour his heart and soul into it, and he had plenty of emotions to throw into the mix as well. 

The crowd kept cheering as he gave them a silent thank you and walked off the stage. He felt good about that concert, honestly. 

"That was amazing as always, Mr. Styles," the assistant manager told him as he went back to the dressing room, and Harry smiled. 

"Thank you, you've been very kind tonight," Harry told her, and she smiled before going off to start getting things ready to go. 

He made the rest of the way back to his dressing room without being stopped, which he was grateful for. He loved the crew, but he didn't always like being bombarded after shows. He needed time to relax. 

He took his phone from where he put it on the makeup counter, and sat on the couch. He had a missed text from his mum, wishing him good luck (he made a mental note to visit her since it was likely he'd be in town for the rest of the year), one from Niall telling him he talked to Louis about him (he deleted that one), and one from Jeff saying that he could have the rest of the year off, which was only about three weeks, but still. 

Harry opened up his whatsapp and contemplated messaging Louis about the single. He didn't want to come across as a right asshole by not saying anything, but he also didn't know what he'd do if he was left on read. Or worse, if Louis actually replied. 

He decided to go for it. 

_Hey Louis, I love the new single-_ he erased that, love was way too strong of a word. 

_Hey Louis, I know it's been awhile, but I wanted to let you know that the new single is really good. Congrats. -H._

Better. 

He looked at his phone for a few seconds before putting it down to get changed, but as soon as he did, it dinged. Fearing the worst, he picked it up to see, as he assumed, a message from Louis. 

_Thanks mate. Haven't gotten to listen to your whole album yet, but Niall said it's really good. Two Ghosts is great though, good job on all your success. Cheers x_

He didn't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, it seemed like a forced text, but on the other hand, he actually responded. That meant Louis didn't hate him, right?

He could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think please!


	5. chapter 5.

**Harry. 2017.**

"You texted him? What did you say? What did _he_ say?" Niall asked excitedly over the phone. 

Harry went home that night with a lot on his mind. He never answered back Louis' text that night, just turned his phone off and went back to his London home. He called his mum, told her about the show and made plans to go visit her in a week, which they both were looking forward too, then he called Niall because he couldn't stop thinking about Louis. Again. 

"I just told him I liked Miss You and congratulated him on its success," Harry said. 

"You finally listened to Miss You?" Niall asked excitedly, and Harry sighed. 

"I haven't been able to stop listening to it, honestly. It's a great song," he said truthfully. 

"Well, what did Louis say? Was he nice? Did he tell you to fuck off?"

"He told me thanks, you said good things about my album and that he liked Two Ghosts, that's it," Harry said, and he could almost swear he heard Niall squeal. 

"That's a start! He doesn't hate you! Maybe you guys can get over this fucking break and we can all be happy!" He said, borderline sarcastically. 

"It's not that simple, Niall," Harry sighed, flicking the tv on. The news anchor was rambling on about how cute Prince Harry and Megan Markle were after their first public appearance since the engagement. 

"Then make it fookin' simple, mate. Liam and I feel like children who's parents went through a messy divorce, we can't all hang out together anymore. We want things to be normal again," he pleaded. Harry sighed. 

"I'm sorry Niall, but after everything that happened, it's not that easy. How well do you get on with Ellie, huh?"

"She never told me she was dating Ed-"

"It's the same fucking thing, Niall. Louis cheated on me and didn't tell Briana, then made me feel guilty about it with _Love You Goodbye_. It's going to take a lot more than simply talking it out for things to be fixed," Harry vented, not giving Niall a chance to finish his sentence. The line was silent for a few minutes, then Niall spoke up. 

"You're right. I'm sorry."

Harry let out a sigh of relief, glad he didn't strike anything too personal with the Ellie-Ed situation. 

"Listen Niall, I'll try to at least be civil with him if you _really_ want me too, but it's a two way street. If Louis isn't willing to at least try, then neither am I," he said after another moment of silence, and he could _feel_ Niall's smile from the other line. 

"That's all I'm asking, Haz," Niall said. Harry could feel the conversation coming to a dead end after that, so he wished Niall a goodbye and hung up. 

Harry knew it would be impossible. Louis took mere _months_ to move on, and he was positive that the older man wanted nothing to do with him. Especially when he immediately got a new girlfriend, even if he had no proof that he and Danielle had really dated. He didn't know why he'd need a stunt girlfriend if he and Harry weren't together, but it hurt either way. 

**Harry. 2015.**

He couldn't believe it. It's been barely five months since Harry and Louis broke off their almost five year relationship, and Louis _already_ had a new girlfriend. 

"It's probably a stunt, Harry, calm down," Liam said, irritation evident in his voice. Harry was pacing around his room on the phone with Liam, not knowing who else to call after he found out the news of Louis and Danielle. 

It had to be a stunt. Of course, because Louis obviously in a secret relationship that the media couldn't know about. 

"Why would it be a stunt, huh? It's not like he has anything to hide, you know? Especially with his baby on the way, they wouldn't make him do a stunt for PR, right? He knew they were cruel, but because of Briana, Louis' in the news practically every day!" Harry vented out hysterically, not knowing exactly _what_ he should be feeling. 

"You know Louis wouldn't just move on that fast-"

"He fucking _cheated_ on me as soon as we had the chance to be free, Liam, I don't even know what he would and wouldn't do anymore."

"Harry, it was _one_ night, it's not like he was sleeping around-"

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you saying it was okay for him to cheat since it was one night? What if Danielle or Sophia cheated on you? How would you feel then? Huh?" Harry said, tearing up as anger began to well up inside of him. 

"Harry-"

"No, Liam, I don't want to hear anymore," he said, and hung up before Liam could protest. He waited for Liam to call him back, but he never did. 

"What a fucking friend," he muttered, and sat down on the couch, no longer bothering to hold back tears. His phone buzzed a minute later, and, against his better judgement, he checked it. 

_Niall: Heard about Louis and Danielle. Lmk if you need anything, i know it must be hard._

Harry let himself smile at his Irish friend, feeling slightly better knowing that he could rely on him. He put his phone on silent, and pulled his songwriting notebook out, deciding now more than ever would be perfect to start writing. 

He looked at a song he'd started working on a while back, when things started getting bad. He remembered writing it down because earlier that day, Simon told them that after careful consideration, he'd changed his mind about letting them come out, that it was _still_ a bad idea, same shit every day. Harry had ran out shortly after Simon left, and, through a mess of tears, he started writing, and he didn't stop for ten minutes. It still wasn't perfect, though. 

Harry remembered that day, remembered Louis saying that they would make it though, that they were almost free. Once the hiatus came, they could be more open. It would be all right. 

" _Stop your crying baby, it'll be alright,_ " Harry wrote down after Louis said that. 

Focusing back on the notebook, he realized that it wasn't as good as it could be. It was close to being done, he had a chorus the chorus, a verse and a bridge, but it needed more. 

_"Just stop your crying, have the time of your life, Breaking through the atmosphere, and things are pretty good from here,"_ Harry wrote. He liked that. It gave him a small bit of hope that he could move on. 

_"Remember everything will be alright, we can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here."_

That was the verse it was missing. Harry blended it with the pre-chorus he'd written when he started the song, and he loved it. He still needed the instrumental, but otherwise he had a song for his debut album. 

He flipped to the other song he started, the one he wrote the day he found out about Louis and Briana. He finished the chorus since then, and decided to call it _Two Ghosts_ , but hadn't made any further improvements. 

Suddenly, like a blink of an eye, any motivation to write was gone. It was such a short burst of motivation, that Harry didn't even know if he got anything done. He looked back up at the TV to see the subject has changed from Louis and Danielle, and he finally felt himself calming down. 

If Louis could move on that quickly, then why couldn't he? He'd just feel stupid if he kept pining over someone who seemingly didn't care

**Harry. 2017.**

Harry found himself at his mum's house much sooner than he told her he'd be there. It was one of those night where he just didn't want to be alone, and well, nothing beats the comfort of a mother's embrace, right?

His mum could tell something was wrong as soon as he walked in ("Mother's intuition," she'd called it), and upon making the mistake of asking, Harry went into a long rant about _Louis fucking Tomlinson_ and how he didn't know what to do. Anne, being the good mother she is, listened.

"Well, reach out to him. Do you know if he's in the UK?" She asked, and Harry shook his head. 

"No bloody idea," he said, looking down. 

"Well, ask him when he's in the UK next, and maybe you guys can have a civil conversation over a cuppa tea," she suggested, and Harry sighed. 

"It's not that easy, mum," he said sadly, looking at the blank television screen in front of them. He sighed, resting his head on his mother's shoulders. 

"I know it isn't, honey," His mum said, running a hand through his hand. "But you'll figure it out. You always do."

"I hope so," Harry mumbled, closing his eyes. He really did hope so, which a year ago he never would have expected. He knew he could change his mind sooner or later, it was inevitable. 

He just didn't think it would be this soon.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think please!!


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